Agencies

Your adoption is probably going to cost about as much as you would spend for a new car, and although there are no tires to kick or hoods to look under you will want to know that the company you’re dealing with has a reputation for honesty and integrity. In much the same way that it is important to establish that the person selling you a car will treat you fairly and be there for you after the sale, you must have a high level of trust in your adoption professional. Don’t be any more shy about demanding information from them than you would be if it was your local Hudson dealer you’re talking to.

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Adoption agencies are subject to state regulations, but what they do, how they do it, and what and when they charge varies widely from one to another. Shopping around may not seem like a prerequisite for baby, but it most certainly is, and doing your homework now may save you money, time, and heartache in the months to come.

If your agency is a for-profit concern, their business is babies, and although that may seem crass there are protections that come with a company that depends on satisfied customers for its existence. Non-profit agencies may get funding from other sources, or exist completely on fees. With either, the process and services will be similar, but there may be differences you’ll care about.

Some parents report that for-profit agencies have a lower adoptive parent / expectant mother ratio, so therefore make faster matches. Better staffing and easier contact … phone calls returned faster, more efficient processing of documents, etc. … have also been mentioned as benefits of commercial adoption enterprises.

Asking for referrals from friends, family, friends of friends and family, doctors, clergy and anyone else you come across that might have experience in the adoption world is a good place to start.

If there are adoption-related support groups in your area, sign up, meet the families, ask questions and listen to advice.

Joining web groups and forums will introduce you to people who may be further along in the process than you are, so advice from them can save some steps. Adoption.Com has a “getting started” category that is loaded with information and frequented by thousands of folks who know exactly how your moccasins age going to feel after 5,280 feet on the adoption trail.

! Gone are the days when all business was local and the place down on the corner was the only option available. With the Internet now firmly entrenched as part of most lives, professionals of all sorts are advertising their wares instantaneously and from coast to coast. Many adoption agencies and attorneys are available online for consultation and quotations, but keep in mind the relationship you are going to want with the people who are putting your family together before you decide to attach yourself to someone who may be on the other side of the country.

Once you’ve come up with a list of possibles, contact your state’s adoption agency licensing specialist to make sure each on the list has a valid and current license. While you’re at it, check to see if there are complaints on file. You should also look to the Better Business Bureau and your state’s Attorney General’s office for information about specific agencies.

As your list gets whittled away, get down to brass tacks and demand an itemization of what each agency is going to charge and for what, how much, and when the payments are due. If some fees are up-front, payable at the beginning of your process, find out what contingency there is in the case of failed adoptions.

Here’s some advice on payments early in the process from Linny, an adoptive mom who shared her story on the forum:

… when you realize that FAR too many agencies ask for big money up-front, the adoptive couple essentially loses. In many cases the situation falls through, and the money is left to 'roll over'! This 'roll-over' is simply a nice way of saying 'we're going to use your money as ours, until the time (if ever) you are chosen by a potential birth mother'.

The sad fact of this route for many is that when this kind of agency does this, the adoptive couple has invested such a large amount that when another agency or attorney calls with a 'sure situation' they don't have the money to use for it! (I've seen and heard of it happening more than once.)

As our adoption attorney has told me, "The agency SELDOM chooses the adoptive couple. The potential birth mother makes the choice. The agency can have no control over this!' (Unless the agency operates on a list and they always choose.) So, you may be waiting a lot longer because you're stuck with that particular agency by putting a large amount of money into them that cannot be used anywhere else.

Of course, if you have a ton of money to lose this would not be a problem, but if you don't, search for those agencies that will refund all or a part of the money if the situation falls through...OR does not ask for any placement money UNTIL the baby is fully free and clear for adoption.

Failed adoptions are a reality, and some families face more than one. What your agency’s contingency plans are in the case of a failed adoption is information you should have going in.

Discuss the agency’s philosophy on all aspects of adoption. Do they encourage open adoptions? Is there counseling for birth families? Do they actively participate post-placement? What services do they provide long-term?

Find out how long the agency has been operating, how many adoptions they have done, and how many have failed. Get a list of families that have had their adoptions handled by the agency and contact them. Ask hard questions.

Is the agency affiliated professionally with other companies or individuals? If so, who? Do they have a written policy that states their standards of practice? If so, you’d like to see it.

Since the wait for a baby is the hardest part of the entire adoption process (see “And now you wait …”), an agency’s average time between the first meeting and the placement of a child with the adoptive parents will be something you’ll want to hear about ahead of time.

One hopeful, yet frustrated adoptive mom explains a situation you may want to avoid:

Our wait has now gone on for more than two years … our agency made us wait almost nine months before we could apply. They required that we attend a pre-adoption class before they would even look at our application and begin the Homestudy.

Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton