Babies don't come with guarantees, Page 2

How to know

You can’t know for certain that your child will come to you completely untainted by drugs or with every chromosome in exactly the right position.
What you can do is demand complete medical histories on the expectant parents, or even ask for independent medical evaluations that will look specifically for signs of drug use and hereditary illnesses.

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Good prenatal care will both spot some possible problems and help keep Mom healthy enough to keep Baby growing well, so encouraging the best is important for everyone.

Part of the job description for a hopeful parent-to-be is to worry, worry, then worry some more; then do a little obsessing, then add a bit more worry to the obsessing. You’re right in thinking this isn’t the fun bit, but nonetheless it is what you are supposed to be doing.
One way to fill the time while you worry is to learn, and to evaluate. You can read up on genetic issues and substance abuse effects; then you can give deep thought to what you can or cannot live with.

When my oldest was born, I’d been allowed time for only a quick glance in her direction before the nurses whisked her away for cleaning while the doctor continued attending to me. Shortly afterward, the nice man who’d delivered her came to my room for a check-up and a chat.

“There’s one small thing with your daughter that you’ll have to keep a close eye on,” he said … a punch to the gut if I’d ever felt one! “It’s fine now, just a minor irregularity, but we’ll want to make sure it stays that way.”

Turns out, he was talking about a birthmark about the size of a caraway seed on her knee.

What went through my mind before he got to that part of the story, however, was every birth defect I’d ever heard of.

Although I was so tremendously relieved, and not a little griped about him scaring the bejeezus out of me, I knew right then that whatever it may have been ‘irregular’ would not have made one bit of difference in how I felt about my baby; she was mine and I loved her, warts and all … but I was still happy there weren’t any warts, either.

We all have our limits, and thinking of what yours may be is a very good way to spend some time before the baby that is planned to one day be yours arrives.

The child with special needs

It’s the universal dream of every parent to have healthy children. Sadly, the dream does
not always come true. Children born with special needs are a fact of life.

Not all special needs are apparent at birth, and a newborn that looks and acts healthy may manifest a variety of issues as they grow. Once again, there are no guarantees.

Learning that your child has problems you weren’t warned about or prepared for may cause anger and resentment, and a compulsion to shake your fist at the world in frustration.

It’s not fair

Special Needs Adoption Blogger, Julie, whose daughter has no outward physical signs of her issues, had this to say …

“Unknowingly adopting a child with special needs is so UNFAIR ... so is giving birth to a disabled child. … yet there have been so many lessons learned, so much personal growth, such a complete honing of what is really important in life that comes from this experience that it completely engulfs me. Whenever I write about it, what I've written seems to either be too depressing, too dark, too full of negativity OR it sounds like Pollyanna. The English language continues to fail me when I try to describe what it's like.”

Parents of kids with special needs must deal with their child’s reality on every level, and the impact is great. Some mothers talk of an almost overwhelming impatience with parents of ‘normal’ children when they complain about their active toddlers running them ragged, insisting these people should feel blessed, not harassed.

In some cases, parents are looked upon as saints, but most shun any effort to stick them on a pedestal or hold them up as shining examples of fortitude or sacrifice.

When the energy it takes to parent combines with the extra effort special needs children deserve and require, parents learn to filter the little stuff from the big stuff before freaking out, often giving the impression of a pillar of patience.

As one mom said, “People say I'm patient. It's not patience. It’s simply that so much happens every day, and I've learned to pace myself. I can't use all my ammo on the first target, can I?”

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Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton