Birth, Page 2

Precious time

For the woman who brought this baby into the world a few minutes ago, these same days will be all the time she has for her child to be completely hers.

Writer and expert on adoption issues, birth mom Jan Baker, often speaks about the life-long suffering experienced by women after relinquishment.

“One of my biggest gripes … is [when some people] make placing a baby for adoption appear as a one-time event that you will "get over" or experience some mild sadness throughout a lifetime, making it seem as though knowing that your child has a "better" life will make up for losing them. [That] rarely does anything to ease the pain. Most birth moms that I know … are blindsided by the deep and unrelenting pain that relinquishing causes. It is unexpected, and when they do not "get over it" as they are told they should, they think something’s wrong with them, and that other birth mothers do just fine.

Of course, if you have any concerns about where everyone stands in your adoption plan, you’ll want to bring these up. If you can address them to the mother, that will be the place to start. If you need to hear more, don’t hesitate to contact your agency, your attorney or her attorney for information and assurance.

Good-bye before Hello

In addition to the flowers you’ve brought for the new mother … a mini-forest is appropriate, unless she’s allergic … a special gift may help to convey your feelings when the time comes for you to take the baby home with you, leaving her behind.

Keepsake jewelry signifying the relationship between your family, the child you have in common and her may serve to communicate your emotions, but as every situation is as different as every child a fitting gift can come in just about any form.

Gifts are lovely gestures, but there will be no filling the void left when you go. Counseling before hand can help prepare all involved and ease the transition a bit, but no one will be able to make this moment better for the woman who at this point in the process becomes a birth mother.

If arrangements have been made for contact or visitation, honor these as you would a promise made to your child, and do not allow the rush of emotion or the flurry of excited activity to dampen your dedication to the woman who gave birth to your new baby.

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Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton