Ethics in domestic infant adoption

In a perfect world, ethics would dominate all interactions between human beings. In a world not quite so perfect, this would most certainly apply to any situation that involved children. Unfortunately, our world is far removed from perfection and responsibility for ethical behavior falls to each of us as individuals.

What’s your flavor?

It’s a fact of physics and neurology that no one sees the same color, feels the same warmth, or tastes the same flavor as anyone else. Every sensation that runs through the senses is interpreted by each individual in its own distinct way. Exactly how that sight, feel or flavor translates from ‘out there’ to ‘in here’ depends on many factors, none less than what’s gone before.

Along with the mechanics of vision and nerve paths and such, personal experience dictates how we decipher the world around us … or influences the reaction. Smells, for instance.

Some folks love the smell of cow manure. To others, however, it’s just stinky poop.

An expectation based on previous experience can alter perceptions to the point that something obvious to one person will be completely invisible to another.

Like those optical illusions that are designed to easily be one thing or another … I see two faces, you see a wine glass … the instantly obvious isn’t universal.

Flavors, like colors, have a broader range than black/white, chocolate/vanilla, but it can take an educated palate to become a connoisseur.

MarshmallowPeppermintFudge Twist

Adoptive parents are often overwhelmed by the initial sweetness of adoption. Once the grinding process of application, home study, paperwork and so on is concluded and a babe is well in arms, the world of adoption tends to feel sugarcoated, honey-covered and dipped in chocolate … with sprinkles!

Desperate moments, frustrating weeks, months of worry and years of disappointment fade into a little ball of foul-tasting medicine that gets relegated to a back shelf, rarely to be seen again as soon as the baby first nestles into that for-far-too-long-empty cradle.

Wasabi

Birthparents, however, may feel as though that bitter pill is all they have. With nothing to wash the taste from their mouths, they might choose to learn to savor the tart pungency, bringing it out whenever emptiness reminds them of their hunger.

As years pass, all new flavors will be compared to the familiar with a need for, if not complementary, at least not conflicting sensations. Some interesting and unexpected combinations may arise, but none will take away the lingering bitterness of loss.

Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton