Grandparents

How involved the future grandparents will be in the decision to adopt or the process itself is completely dependent on the history of involvement pre-adoption relationships.

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Including your parents in your quest to become parents is as individual a decision as any that are made within the often-complicated jumble of humanity that is family. The fact that you are adopting your child may give some parents the idea that they should have a great deal of say over who, what, where, when, why and how, but in truth their role should not carry any more weight in this method of family building than it would if you were making a baby from scratch.

There may be some educating, some sharing of information and insights, some explaining, that needs doing before full understanding is approached, but that’s what the process is all about. Including your parents as you research the ins and outs of adoption will bring them up to speed on adoption in the world today and allow them to expand their grasp beyond what may be limited experience, possibly even negative, with the adoption world.

Especially if your child is to be the first grandchild, your parents may have issues that echo those that led you to adoption, and they need to be addressed as yours have been. If they are to be fully functioning grandparents in the grandparent sense of grandparenting, they will need to adjust to the reality of a grandchild who does not share their ancestral genes, and perhaps neither their look nor coloring.

There will be time after the baby is home to bring everyone up to speed on appropriate language and attitude toward adoption … how to deal with questions and comments and such … but it’s never too early to broach subjects that may take some work.

Of course, it may be the case that the adoption part of the upcoming change in status has less to do with future grandparental angst than getting used to the idea of soon having to add “grand” to their title.

Although some who are well aboard the baby bandwagon have been dancing to the tune for years, there are those who will take some time learning the steps. Getting the hang of the grandparent thing isn’t simple for everyone. In fact, just the idea of being someone’s Grandma or Grandpa can send some folks running for the I’m-too-young-to-have-grandkids! t-shirt collection at the nearest trendy mall.

Links for Grams and Gramps

For hints on getting into the swing of grandparentdom, here’s a site that has some good ideas.

Here are some tips that focus on the wonderful role grandparents can play in the lives of young children.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has A Grandparents’ Guide for Family Nurturing and Safety.

Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton