How to adopt independently

The first step down the road of independent adoption is to come into contact with parents or expectant parents who are interested in relinquishing their child to you for adoption. Once again, Adoption.com is a great resource for facts, tips and ideas on how to go about finding your match.

This book’s section on networking will go into more detail, as well, about advertising, Internet profiles, letters of introduction, and so on.

While concentrating on meeting an expectant mother contemplating an adoption plan, don’t forget that the father of the potential adoptee is also relevant to your search. Involved or not involved in the pregnancy, fathers have rights and say over the future of their child. Please consult the chapter “State by State” for information on Putative Father Registries and the laws in your state as well.

Reasonable and Necessary

Costs associated with independent adoptions vary widely. In addition to the Homestudy, it is customary for the hopeful adoptive family to pay some of the mother’s expenses.

Once again, states differ on what can be paid for by potential adoptive parents, and also how they are to be protected against the possibility of fraudulent promises of future placement.

‘Reasonable and necessary’ are common parameters, and may include housing and subsistence allowance, legal fees associated with the adoption, counseling for the birthparents so that the court can be satisfied that they both fully comprehend what they are planning to do, as well as payment of medical bills.

It is important for hopeful adoptive parents to fully understand the laws in their state that cover payments to or on behalf of prospective birth parents. In most states adopting parents must account for every penny spent for the expectant parents by filing a report listing all expenditures. These accounting reports will be examined carefully by the court, and adoptions will not be granted if there is a hint of impropriety anywhere.

In states that allow hopeful adopting families to assist expectant parents financially, one good way to be sure of proper accounting and relevant paperwork is to deposit funds into your attorney’s trust account for disbursal. This way, it’s an officer of the court … this is how attorneys are professionally considered … responsible for deciding what legally can or cannot be covered.

Interpretation of Intent

In all fifty states buying or selling human beings, including and especially children, is a felony offence. Since it is impossible to see into the hearts and minds of people, laws have been put in place to allow the powers that be to guard against abuse, gauge motives and protect the vulnerable. Some of these laws may border on the silly, as is the case in California where adoptive parents are free to rent a car for an expectant mother including them in her adoption plan, but illegal for them to buy her the car … even if that option ends up being a whole heck of a lot cheaper. It’s the interpretation of intent at issue.

And speaking of interpretation of intent …

Typically states do not allow any strings to be attached to the money going to caring for a expectant mother. All payments are made unconditionally, and no hint of recompense is allowed.

Although nothing can legally oblige a parent to relinquish her child to the family who’ve supported her through her pregnancy and paid for the birth, some states will consider anyone who has no intention of placing but accepts financial assistance by duping hopeful adoptive parents into thinking that placement guilty of a misdemeanor.

One state, Idaho, also requires full repayment to the disappointed family when parents end up choosing to parent rather than place.

(Please see the sections on Scams and Ethics)

Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton