It’s a match, Page 2

Where you go from here

Depending on the expectant mother’s wishes, location, the length of time between matching and birth, and the developing relationship between all parties, where you go from here can range from pacing in your own living room until you get the call, to hand-holding during ob/gyn appointments, and many degrees of involvement in between.

In some cases, the first meeting will be the only meeting, all details from then on being handled through the professionals. Often phone and email contact becomes a regular routine with both sides drawing comfort from the frequency of sharing information, photos and the like. Sometimes the relationship between the hopeful adoptive parents and the expectant mom builds into a close friendship … so close a friendship that doctor’s appointments are shared events and birthing classes are taken together.

Once again, as in all aspects of this new experience of planning to adopt a child presently growing in another person, everyone must be respectful and honest.

The expectant mom must not feel pressured into a closeness she’s not comfortable with, and the hopeful adoptive parents should not be forced to extend their boundaries beyond where they are at ease.

If from your first meeting you’ve all been doing a good job on the honest communication front, it should be a simple matter to establish the rules of your engagement. If there’s something you’d like to add to your routine, inquire respectfully if it could be taken under consideration.

If it is appropriate in your circumstance, it may be a good idea to discuss the BIG EVENT directly with the expectant parents. Although your adoption professional, if you have one, will share their ideas on who, what, where, when and how … who contacts you when it happens, what is expected of you, where you are to go, when you are to be there and how you are to behave … it is the woman doing all the work here … they don’t call it labor for nothing! … who gets to call the shots.

Counseling for all involved is advisable, and if your adoption is through an agency it may be provided as part of the process. Even in private adoption, however, professional help with the emotional issues involved in adoption is an important investment that should be made. Just as you want the woman carrying the child to have the best in prenatal medical care, pre-adoption mental health assistance is equally important.

Adoption preparedness counseling for you and your family can also be extremely helpful. Laying the groundwork for a successful transition into parenthood, providing a safe environment in which to pose questions and voice doubts and worries, learning about parenting techniques, and establishing effective communication between family members can all serve you well in the years to come.

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Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton