Kids in the house

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One branch of the family tree that is allowed total involvement, no matter what the age or inclination to jump into the fray, is the sibling limb. If the child about to be adopted has existing brothers or sisters in the family, those children should be in on the scoop.

Sitting down with a four-year old and asking permission to bring a darling little rabbit-puncher of a competitor home may not be a good idea, but preparing the child for the new addition is. Keeping with the belief that only those in charge get a to cast a ballot, children already in the home should not get the power of ‘thumbs up/thumbs down’ in an adoption any more than they would if Mommy and Daddy were practicing basic biology, but in the same way that kids are sensitized to any new situation that’s going to rock their world, they should be given the time and information to prepare for a baby. A sudden appearance will not be appreciated.

Enlisting Grandma and Grandpa or other family members as buffers against territorial invasion can be a great way to keep everyone happy as adjustments take place, and give all involved something to keep them busy and absorbed in the family fabric. But be sure Grandma and Grandpa are on the same page you are before turning Junior into their loving arms.

If your little one is old enough to wonder where babies come from, it will be important that all the information he gets jives. Terms and titles should be agreed and tone should be set so the picture presented that will soon be a bouncing baby bundle is constant and trustworthy.

The quantity of information shared with the sib-to-be is just as important as the quality. Once again, unless he’s old enough to get a graphic account of how a bio bro was made, the ins and outs of the adoption process can be left out of most discussions. If he came into the family through adoption, you can bet he’ll be taking notes on everything he hears that may relate to what he thinks fits his own story. If he’s a bio baby, he’ll note all references to differences.

Sib-friendly sites
For ideas and advice on preparing little ones for another little one, here’s an article with ideas for breaking the news early.

Sesame Street Parents has another version called New Siblings 101 that you may find helpful.

Dr. Spock gives tips on dealing with jealousy.

YourBabyToday.Com offers an article called: When Your Baby Becomes A Big Sister or Big Brother, and KidsHealth has a page taking on the issues at kid level.

Credits: Sandra Hanks Benoiton