Speaking of language

As can be the case when moving into any new area where an accent or dialect must be picked up before communication can flow freely without confusion, the adoption community’s language takes some learning.

A triad is no longer a dangerous gang, but a group prospective parents are anxious to join. Homestudies have nothing to do with math lessons learned on the kitchen table. States of open and closed are joined by semi-open, and waiting children aren’t simply impatient tots.

Even the language that you think you know can get you into trouble in this new community. Trends come and go, and as awareness and communication between all parties involved in adoption improves, sensitivity to certain words and terms will put some firmly in the “negative” column, while others move happily into the acceptable and unloaded “positive” group.

Not everyone always agrees with the breakdown, but here is one popular version:
Use:
Birthparent
Biological parent
Birth child
My child
Born to unmarried parents
Terminate parental rights
To parent
Waiting child
Biological father
Making contact with
Parent
International adoption
Adoption triad
Permission to sign a release
Search
Child placed for adoption
Court termination
Child with special needs
Child from abroad
Was adopted

Instead of:

Real parent
Natural parent
Own child
Adopted child; Own child
Illegitimate
Give up
Give away
To keep
Adoptable child; Available child
Begetter
Reunion
Adoptive parent
Foreign adoption
Adoption triangle
Disclosure
Track down parents
An unwanted child
Child taken away
Handicapped child
Foreign child
Is adopted

Adoption.com has a glossary of adoption language, which is a good place to start, or to go if you run into problems with the lingo. There is also a comprehensive list of Helpful Adoption Terms to Know.