What can go wrong?, Page 2

The law

Every state has its own laws covering consent and relinquishment, and both sides of the pre-birth equation should understand the rules that apply.

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Some states demand that relinquishment papers cannot be signed before the birth of the child. Others allow this, but do not terminate rights until after the birth. Most stipulate the earliest possible consent date, and all specify the terms under which parents can revoke consent.

For a full and detailed State-by-State list of laws on relinquishment, see the chapter “Adoption is a State Concern”.

Putative father registry

It is also vital to understand the rights of the biological father, even in cases where he does not appear to be involved.

Failure to procure consent for adoption has caused more than one headline-grabbing and heart-breaking case of adoption resulting in serious consequences. Baby Sam, Baby M, and a 1999 case in Oklahoma that granted custody to a father who’d only learned of the existence of his child two days before an adoption agency moved to terminate his parental rights all go to prove that ignoring fathers can be dangerous to your adoption.

The first thing to understand is that biological fathers do have rights, whether or not the mother tells him about the pregnancy or involves him in any way. Many states now have Putative Father Registries that allow men who feel they may be the father of a child to have a say in plans for that child.

Putative isn’t a word many would have chosen for the category of man who, although not married to a child’s mother and not having established paternity in a court proceeding, may be the father. I would have gone for assumed or presumed or reputed or supposed, but I’m a writer, not a lawyer, and rarely are writers asked for input before legal mumbo-jumbo is cast in concrete.

For information of Putative Father Registries in your state, see the State-by-State breakdown here.

Scams

If something sounds too good to be true, it very often is.

How many times have we all heard that? So, why do we choose to reject such sage advice? And why would we ever ignore the cacophonous clanging of warning bells those words should set off when something as basic to our very existence as family could be at stake?

Why, indeed.

Along with many of the other feelings that hopeful adoptive parents find come hand-in-glove … or is that bottom-in-diaper, or pacifier-in-mouth? … with the adoption process, a sense of destiny can creep into the mix of emotions. The idea that YOUR child is in the works somewhere just waiting for some celestially guided maneuvers to bring everyone important to the right place and the right time can feel so preordained that the deal seems to be a done one, rather like Michelangelo’s contention that his David was simply wearing all that extra marble knowing that the artist would chip away the excess to reveal him in all his glory.

A situation falling into your lap from out of the blue can look like fate, and you may feel compelled to follow a path laid at your feet.

Word of warning: tread carefully.

Although to you adoption may mean oodles of love, warm fuzzies, baby breath, chubby neck snuggles and talcum, there are, unfortunately, some whose only related thought is MONEY.

Take squishy-soft, love-crazed wanting-with-every-fiber-of-their-being folks and cross them with the hard-core greedy, and what will you get?

Scams: down-and-dirty, insatiable, remorseless, ravenous, pitiless and malicious scams and frauds.

And what about ‘opportunities’ presenting themselves that promise speed or savings or less hassle? Given the choice between waiting, spending thousands, jumping through a zillion hoops or having a bargain baby handed to you on a platter for a pittance and without much in the way of rigmarole may sound like a dream come true, but a nightmare scenario is far more likely to be the case.